...so I will write in my blog.
I am about to go to lunch with my good friend and future apartment-mate Bethany. I am excited that she is going to move in here! But that means first Kaitlin is going to move out, which is sad. Things will definitely be different around here next year!
I apologize for the depressing-ness of my last entry. The rest of my week was not a disaster. But Thursday morning one of my students (I'll call him Jake) had a total meltdown. I walked my class to music and some of them were having problems in line. So we turned around and walked back a little bit and did it again. I said something along the lines of if they still had problems in line they would need to practice with me at the beginning of recess. Jake was purposely stepping on the feet of the girl in front of him. I didn't single him out since multiple children were having issues. He got very upset when I made the class walk back and do it again. Then he stepped on the girl's feet again. I still didn't say anything to him, but he started to lose it because he was mad that he would have to practice at recess. He makes this horrible looking face and puts his head down and breathes loudly out of his nose--honestly, it's reminiscent of a bull about to charge. The rest of the class went in to music, and told him to sit down in the lobby. I knew if I sent him into music like that he would be bounced out right away, probably after punching someone or breaking something. As I supervised the class going into music and finding their assigned seats, Jake started to scream. Really, really loudly. I told him he needed to stop. I asked him if he wanted to tell me why he was upset (This usually gets him to be quiet. Not this time.) I told him he was disrupting the school. And I told him I would have to call his sister if he didn't stop. (His mom--really his guardian--wants me to call his sister when he has problems. I don't really like to do this usually. But this time he was not listening to me at all and I was fed up.) He screamed even louder. Oh, Jake also has pretty severe asthma, and I sensed an attack coming on if he didn't calm down and breathe. If it's possible, he screamed even louder. He kicked and threw his coat on the ground. Two teachers came out of their classrooms to see if they could help. On Thursday mornings the female staff of Urban Promise go to a women's Bible Study, so three of the normal people I could have Jake sit with until he was calm were gone. There was nowhere for him to go. So now there are three teachers standing around him trying to calm down. One talked to him very gently, and that didn't work. One yelled in his face. That's didn't work either. Then a fourth adult came out. We're all standing around this child trying to get him to stop screaming, basically to no avail. I was frustrated, needless to say. Finally, I walked away to get his sister's phone number and give her a call. When I came back to the main building with the phone number, Jake was quiet and sitting with James, and our Executive Director, Mr. Rob, had arrived. He saw me and asked how I was doing, and I told him I was OK, but we were having an issue with Jake. And then I started to cry.
I hate to cry in front of people. I'm sure most people don't like it, but I really, really hate it. And I can do a pretty good job of holding it in, but if someone asks me how I'm doing, that's the end of it. I have never cried in front of Rob before (I think a majority of people who work at Urban Promise probably have, and Rob himself gets emotional fairly frequently), so he was really worried about me. We sat down and I told him what had happened with Jake and that I wanted him to be sent home. I told him when I've said that in the past, it's never happened. Someone just brings the little guy back to class and acts like nothing's happened. Mr. Rob asked if anything else was upsetting me, like something in my personal life. Well, I had to rack my brain...personal life, what's my personal life? Is anything even happening in my personal life? Nope, personal life is good albeit unexciting. School is really the only thing upsetting me.
Eventually I got it together. Jake got sent home. I missed my whole half hour break by talking to Rob and then trying to get myself to look like I hadn't been crying by the time my kids were done with music. It didn't quite work, but oh well. The rest of my day was fine. I found out later that Rob had asked Kaitlin if anything was going on in my personal life too. No, school really is singularly that frustrating and overwhelming. Well, I've told people that things aren't going well in my classroom and that I need help, and maybe crying in front of Rob is the key to something actually changing. We'll see. But it was not pleasant at the time. But hey, I'm human. And as they say on Lost, "Whatever happened, happened." Haha.
I am about to go to lunch with my good friend and future apartment-mate Bethany. I am excited that she is going to move in here! But that means first Kaitlin is going to move out, which is sad. Things will definitely be different around here next year!
I apologize for the depressing-ness of my last entry. The rest of my week was not a disaster. But Thursday morning one of my students (I'll call him Jake) had a total meltdown. I walked my class to music and some of them were having problems in line. So we turned around and walked back a little bit and did it again. I said something along the lines of if they still had problems in line they would need to practice with me at the beginning of recess. Jake was purposely stepping on the feet of the girl in front of him. I didn't single him out since multiple children were having issues. He got very upset when I made the class walk back and do it again. Then he stepped on the girl's feet again. I still didn't say anything to him, but he started to lose it because he was mad that he would have to practice at recess. He makes this horrible looking face and puts his head down and breathes loudly out of his nose--honestly, it's reminiscent of a bull about to charge. The rest of the class went in to music, and told him to sit down in the lobby. I knew if I sent him into music like that he would be bounced out right away, probably after punching someone or breaking something. As I supervised the class going into music and finding their assigned seats, Jake started to scream. Really, really loudly. I told him he needed to stop. I asked him if he wanted to tell me why he was upset (This usually gets him to be quiet. Not this time.) I told him he was disrupting the school. And I told him I would have to call his sister if he didn't stop. (His mom--really his guardian--wants me to call his sister when he has problems. I don't really like to do this usually. But this time he was not listening to me at all and I was fed up.) He screamed even louder. Oh, Jake also has pretty severe asthma, and I sensed an attack coming on if he didn't calm down and breathe. If it's possible, he screamed even louder. He kicked and threw his coat on the ground. Two teachers came out of their classrooms to see if they could help. On Thursday mornings the female staff of Urban Promise go to a women's Bible Study, so three of the normal people I could have Jake sit with until he was calm were gone. There was nowhere for him to go. So now there are three teachers standing around him trying to calm down. One talked to him very gently, and that didn't work. One yelled in his face. That's didn't work either. Then a fourth adult came out. We're all standing around this child trying to get him to stop screaming, basically to no avail. I was frustrated, needless to say. Finally, I walked away to get his sister's phone number and give her a call. When I came back to the main building with the phone number, Jake was quiet and sitting with James, and our Executive Director, Mr. Rob, had arrived. He saw me and asked how I was doing, and I told him I was OK, but we were having an issue with Jake. And then I started to cry.
I hate to cry in front of people. I'm sure most people don't like it, but I really, really hate it. And I can do a pretty good job of holding it in, but if someone asks me how I'm doing, that's the end of it. I have never cried in front of Rob before (I think a majority of people who work at Urban Promise probably have, and Rob himself gets emotional fairly frequently), so he was really worried about me. We sat down and I told him what had happened with Jake and that I wanted him to be sent home. I told him when I've said that in the past, it's never happened. Someone just brings the little guy back to class and acts like nothing's happened. Mr. Rob asked if anything else was upsetting me, like something in my personal life. Well, I had to rack my brain...personal life, what's my personal life? Is anything even happening in my personal life? Nope, personal life is good albeit unexciting. School is really the only thing upsetting me.
Eventually I got it together. Jake got sent home. I missed my whole half hour break by talking to Rob and then trying to get myself to look like I hadn't been crying by the time my kids were done with music. It didn't quite work, but oh well. The rest of my day was fine. I found out later that Rob had asked Kaitlin if anything was going on in my personal life too. No, school really is singularly that frustrating and overwhelming. Well, I've told people that things aren't going well in my classroom and that I need help, and maybe crying in front of Rob is the key to something actually changing. We'll see. But it was not pleasant at the time. But hey, I'm human. And as they say on Lost, "Whatever happened, happened." Haha.
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