Three school days until spring break...then 10 glorious days off school. I'm really, really, really looking forward to it. I haven't actually had any long stretches with lots of school thanks to the freak blizzards and the recruiting trip. But the school days I've had have been grueling.
Today I was scratched hard enough to break the skin, kicked repeatedly in the shins, and also verbally abused. Kids (well, just two angry boys) yelled in my face, "Get away from me!" and "Don't touch me!" The other week a boy said, "You know everyone hates you." Another boy said a while ago, "I don't want a white teacher. I want a black teacher" when he was mad at me.
Please excuse the following quick rant. Ready, go: I don't get paid enough to be physically and verbally abused. No way. Is this what spent all my money to get a college degree for? So little kids could kick me and scream at me? And when I try to tell someone or ask for help, I get nothing.
OK. Rant over.
This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go to the Urban Promise staff retreat at Mrs. Scheflen's beautiful beach house in Avalon, NJ. I'm embarrassed to admit I did not have the best attitude about this leading up to it. This is a common theme in my life lately...but the bad attitude ended when I got to see the ocean and eat extremely delicious food and sing worship songs and play Taboo and Mad Gab. Plus it was great to spend time with people I love and used to live with and some who I don't know very well yet. It was especially nice because I feel like a lot of the Urban Promise staff typically interact with me when I am very frustrated and overwhelmed with school and sometimes snippy or just dazed and confused. So it was fun to get to relax and have fun. I'm already looking forward to next year's retreat!
I got to spend some time alone at the retreat writing in my journal and reflecting on lots of different stuff. One morning I spent an hour looking at the ocean, (from inside, cause it was freezing) listening to a few of my favorite Hillsong songs (hence the title of this entry), and thinking about the words. Here's a little bit of what I wrote in my journal:
"'I'll stand with arms wide and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all.'
What does this look like for me? Staying at Urban Promise another year, when right now it seems like it would be easier to run away. Not worrying about what other people think about me. Spending time with God. Loving people. Taking risks for God's glory. Giving up patterns of sin. Forgiving instead of holding grudges."
To reference my rant above, no, I suppose I don't get paid enough to be physically abused by 5 year-olds. But of course I am not doing this because I get paid. And I am thankful to have a college degree even if some days I don't feel like I am using the "book knowledge" I got in my classes. I am in a position where I am humbled daily and forced to rely on God instead of my own strength, and for that I am thankful. I am loving His beautiful children. I am surrounded by friends. I am blessed.
This is already long. So I'll wrap up. I'll leave you with some of the lyrics to "Desert Song."
Today I was scratched hard enough to break the skin, kicked repeatedly in the shins, and also verbally abused. Kids (well, just two angry boys) yelled in my face, "Get away from me!" and "Don't touch me!" The other week a boy said, "You know everyone hates you." Another boy said a while ago, "I don't want a white teacher. I want a black teacher" when he was mad at me.
Please excuse the following quick rant. Ready, go: I don't get paid enough to be physically and verbally abused. No way. Is this what spent all my money to get a college degree for? So little kids could kick me and scream at me? And when I try to tell someone or ask for help, I get nothing.
OK. Rant over.
This weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to go to the Urban Promise staff retreat at Mrs. Scheflen's beautiful beach house in Avalon, NJ. I'm embarrassed to admit I did not have the best attitude about this leading up to it. This is a common theme in my life lately...but the bad attitude ended when I got to see the ocean and eat extremely delicious food and sing worship songs and play Taboo and Mad Gab. Plus it was great to spend time with people I love and used to live with and some who I don't know very well yet. It was especially nice because I feel like a lot of the Urban Promise staff typically interact with me when I am very frustrated and overwhelmed with school and sometimes snippy or just dazed and confused. So it was fun to get to relax and have fun. I'm already looking forward to next year's retreat!
I got to spend some time alone at the retreat writing in my journal and reflecting on lots of different stuff. One morning I spent an hour looking at the ocean, (from inside, cause it was freezing) listening to a few of my favorite Hillsong songs (hence the title of this entry), and thinking about the words. Here's a little bit of what I wrote in my journal:
"'I'll stand with arms wide and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all.'
What does this look like for me? Staying at Urban Promise another year, when right now it seems like it would be easier to run away. Not worrying about what other people think about me. Spending time with God. Loving people. Taking risks for God's glory. Giving up patterns of sin. Forgiving instead of holding grudges."
To reference my rant above, no, I suppose I don't get paid enough to be physically abused by 5 year-olds. But of course I am not doing this because I get paid. And I am thankful to have a college degree even if some days I don't feel like I am using the "book knowledge" I got in my classes. I am in a position where I am humbled daily and forced to rely on God instead of my own strength, and for that I am thankful. I am loving His beautiful children. I am surrounded by friends. I am blessed.
This is already long. So I'll wrap up. I'll leave you with some of the lyrics to "Desert Song."
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that’s within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
This my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame
I will bring praise, I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice, I will declare
God is my victory and He is here
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
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