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Tired tired tired

I almost started this blog entry the exact same way as my last entry, until I realized that they'd be identical. I guess I'm still neglecting my blog. And I'm still really tired and a little bit lazy. And I still like to say "Yikes!"

Christmas has come and gone. Now it's 2010. Crazy, right? The weeks leading up to Christmas were hectic but pretty fun. Something about celebrating Christmas with children makes it more special I think. They so clearly express the joy and wonder that Christmas is all about. This year I also reflected upon how working with little kids makes me appreciate more how Jesus came to earth as a fully human baby. What a unique, special, and humble thing that God chose to come to earth as a little kid.

My class was sooooo cute at the Christmas program. They sang "Go Tell It on the Mountain" and two other songs. It was fun to see them dressed up and out of their school uniforms. On the other hand, it was disappointing that the turn-out for the program was not great. It was worse than last year. It is a constant struggle to try to get parents to bring their kids and come to events. We had a great Christmas workshop put on by a church for all the school kids. It was on a Sunday afternoon with a full meal provided. About 50 kids had returned a written RSVP that they would be there, and only about 15 came. It hard to not be discouraged by that, so much so that I don't really want to make an effort to do extra things sometimes. But I have heard and experienced that this is a problem that's not just limited to urban kids and families. I know in suburban youth groups it can be really hard to get families to choose to bring their children to church events over sports.

I really enjoyed teaching my class the Christmas story and reading them lots and lots of Christmas books. They made photo ornaments for their parents which I hope they actually gave them. We read a picture book of The Nutcracker, and then I showed them a few minutes of a movie version, and they loved it. I was surprised how much it captured their attention considering their wasn't any dialogue or singing. I think sometimes I underestimate them. And I underestimate the power of a great story or great art.

Christmas break was wonderful. It was much needed! I was so tired and worn out, and even though I couldn't really sleep much past 7:30 (my body wouldn't let me), I still caught up on sleep and felt more rested. Of course I was sick with a cold for most of it (that always happens), but I wasn't too miserable. Most of all, it was refreshing to spent time with my family. I came back to Delaware ready to tackle the second half of the school year. After just four days of school, my fresh sense of idealism has already been a little bit squashed. But I am still excited about the rest of the year. I'm hoping to do a lot more with reading, although time is always an issue. And of course behavior.

A volunteer who's a retired school psychologist has been observing my class, especially my "problem" students. She hasn't really been able to offer me to much concrete advice yet, but she's been very complimentary and encouraging, and it's nice to know that I am somehow doing a good job teaching and managing my class, even if it's not working out the way I want. She said she thinks of me like an octopus with many arms handling many different issues at once. And I think that's a fairly accurate description. And I guess I do pretty well at that. But I don't want it to always be that way. I wonder what I can do to make it so there are fewer issues/conflicts/outburts that I need to stop or deal with. Some people whose opinions I really value tell me that, no, I can't really stop these outbursts. A lot of it probably comes from factors outside school: mistreatment or volatile situations at home, physical things like not getting enough sleep or enough food, and more. I still believe there's more I can be doing to create a calm environment in my classroom. So I won't give up...yet.

Just thinking how I understand Maslow's heirarchy much, much better now. I always knew, but I didn't really care about or even necessary believe it. Now I do. When Mark (not his real name) comes in the door with clearly not enough sleep, I just want to send him right back out. Because unfortunately I know I'm not really going to be able to teach him that day. I'm just going to be desperately trying to keep him under control so he doesn't have a meltdown.

And that's why I'm so tired.

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